Frugally Green

The Giving Tree is an illustrated children’s story, written by Shel Silverstein that chronicles the relationship between a boy and a tree.  In the beginning, they’re playmates – the boy climbs the tree, swings on its branches and eats apples in its shade.  They both enjoy each other’s company very much.  But the boy grows a little bit older and starts to come around less often.  This saddens the tree.  When he eventually returns he’s grown up a bit and no longer wants to play.  Instead, he wants money to “buy things and have fun.”  The tree doesn’t have money, but she is happy to let the boy harvest her apples to sell in the city.  So he does, and disappears again.

When the boy returns years later, the tree is excited and anxious to play, but the boy is a grown man now and hasn’t the time or desire to.  He wants a house so that he can find a wife and have children and raise them.  The tree cannot give the boy a house so, instead, she offers him her branches.  He cuts them and disappears.  Again the tree is sad.  When the boy returns, he is middle aged, sad, and wanting a boat that he can sail away. The tree, with no boat to give, allows him to cut down her trunk to make one.  The boy does and sails away.

When he returns once again as a very old man, the tree tells the boy she’s nothing left to give him.  The old man now says he has no need for anything else.  He’s too tired to do anything but sit.  The tree offers him a seat on her stump.  He takes it, and the two become friends again.  And the tree is happy.

I have to admit that The Giving Tree is my favorite children’s book.  I like it so much that, at one time, I considered having it’s cover illustration tattooed on my arm.  If that’s not the ultimate testament to my enjoyment, then I don’t know what is.  Maybe if I put it on my forehead?

This story silently speaks volumes about the unconditional love that can exist in a one-sided relationship while warning those that take advantage of such a relationship of the harm they inadvertently do to those who provide for them.  Looking at this story through our green goggles, it’s only fitting that the two characters happen to be a human and a tree.

Think back to the different life stages that you’ve been through. What were some of the things that you really appreciated and what did you take for granted? Can you say that you truly appreciated anything when you were just a child?  Probably not, but then again, you were too young to really take advantage of a relationship.  What about when you were a teenager?  A young adult?  Maybe you’re middle aged or even elderly now.  What has changed throughout your life regarding what and who you truly appreciate and what and who you might have taken advantage of?  As we age and aspire to new and bigger challenges, we shift our attention from one priority to the next, even though the resources and relationships that support us might not change at all.

I don’t say this to make anyone feel bad.  We’ve all been guilty at some point in our lives of taking from one relationship to give to another.  What’s really important is that we’re able to recognize when we’re doing this and make an effort to rebalance our focus.  Life is tough and we’ll never get it perfect, but just by trying we’ll allow ourselves to build stronger, balanced relationships.

From a frugally green perspective, try to think about some of the ambitions that you’ve had, or some that you have now, and consider the potential impacts that you have on various natural resources and systems as you pursue them.  Then, use that knowledge to focus on finding new, creative ways to lessen that impact.  The idea here isn’t to feel guilty or stop pursuing your goals, it’s to be aware of how they affect other people and things and then to take action on their behalf.

A personal example I can give is simply writing this blog.  Since I started Frugally Green in April, 2009 I’ve spent considerably more time sitting in front of the computer reading, writing, researching, and designing than I ever would have without this website as motivation.  As a result, my computer is using up a lot more electricity than it was before.

Realizing this, I wanted to adopt a small change in my life that I could use to offset it.  The solution I came up with?  Drive my truck less on the weekends.  Weekends are errand and chore days for me.  I go around town picking up things I put off during the week, visit friends, and run out to the farmer’s markets that Jessie sells cupcakes at.  When I realized that most of the places I go don’t require me to carry much  and that I have a perfectly functional bike, the solution was obvious.

Now, when I run to the hardware store or out to the farmer’s market, I just hop on the ol’ two wheeler and pedal off.  I still have to use the truck to pick up large items now and again, but I have significantly cut my weekend driving down – more than enough to offset the extra computer use (and it doesn’t hurt that I now spend a good chunk of my weekends huddled over a keyboard thinking of witty parentheticals to make you chuckle).

The relationships that we create with people, places and things can sometimes lead to unsustainable practices.  Lots of times, we don’t even notice because we’ve become so consumed by our pursuits.  Remember that, like the Giving Tree, the earth will provide to us all that we are willing to take from it, without making much of a fuss.  If we ignore that for too long, like the boy in our story did, we could come to the end of the line with little left to be harvested by those that will follow us.

“In every deliberation, we must consider the impact on the seventh generation.”

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Have you ever gotten in an argument with a friend because they don’t recycle?  I have.  What about made fun of someone for being so materialistic and never saving their money?  Yep, I’ve done that too.  All of these arguments and shallow remarks resulted from an attempt to get someone to change – to see the light (my light!) and commit to a more sustainable life.  Guess how many times it’s worked?  Yep…none.  How many times has it worked for you?

When we feel passionately about something, it’s natural to want others to be just as excited as we are.  We want everyone to know how great it feels to save money and do something positive for the environment.  However, as we all learn growing up, the world does not revolve around us and not everybody shares our passions in the same way we do.  Sometimes this angers us.  Sometimes it can lead to the kind of arguments mentioned above.  Almost every time, it seems to lead to a strained relationship and a missed opportunity.

One major lesson I’ve learned over the years is that when it comes to building relationships and being influential, it’s all about “them,” not “you.”  You must give to get.  There is no way around it.  When you give people what they want and, more importantly, what they need, you get back without ever having to ask.  So, if you’re trying to convince your friend, partner, or family member to adopt some of your frugally green characteristics, what can you do to give them the things they need in order to make such a change?  After some reflection, I’ve identified 3 major tactics that you can use in any situation to amicably foster a change in someone.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

When we argue unrelentingly, what are we really trying to accomplish?  I know that most of the time when I’m arguing, I don’t really expect the person on the other side to concede defeat, but I usually want them to express that they understand my position.  If they don’t admit that they understand where I’m coming from, I feel like I’ve failed in explaining my position.  But, in order to get someone to understand where you’re coming from – to effectively communicate your position – you must know how someone is willing to receive it.  This is something that can quickly be learned by listening (really listening) to how that person feels about your position.

But it’s not just listening to words, it’s listening to how their spoken.  It’s watching their body language for clues about how they feel. It’s all of these things and it’s all at once.  By really paying attention to someone when they’re talking (and when they’re listening), you can quickly pick up how they’re reacting and  tailor your communication in a way that they are comfortable with.  I have a friend who doesn’t recycle.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ribbed him about it only to end up in a little argument that didn’t go anywhere.  I later found out that he actually wanted to recycle, but he was scared to start because he’d never learned how. Turns out we were continuously arguing about the wrong thing!

Help remove passive barriers

So let’s say you employed all of your stellar listening skills and were able to find some common ground. Your work is not done!  In the the example above, my friend wanted to change, but he didn’t know how.  I think everyone experiences a time in their life when they desire to change something about themselves, but fail to do so, at least at first, due to some perceived barrier.  Most commonly, this is knowledge.  Looking at my situation, my buddy wanted to recycle, but he never learned how.  He actually feared recycling because he’d heard that when something non-recyclable accidentally gets mixed in, the whole batch gets thrown away.  He was afraid that if he just started, he would do more harm than good and he didn’t know where to learn.  He’d also remembered hearing people complain about how complicated it was years ago to sort everything properly.  Luckily, he had a friend that was more than capable of getting him up and running with his own, simple, recycling plan.  Once he realized how easy it was, his attitude towards it changed completely.  If I had just written him off as lazy or uncaring, I’d still be arguing (or no longer speaking!) with him. And to think, this could have been resolved ages ago if I had just paid a little more attention.

So often we don’t change something we know we need to because of a trivial barrier that we set up for ourselves.  “I would buy compact florescent bulbs, but they’re so expensive!”  “Air drying my laundry makes my socks crunchy! I hate crunchy socks!” There are so many easy ways to work around these inconveniences.  By focusing on the problem rather than the solution, we allow ourselves to continue to ignore what we know is the right thing to do.  Any chance you get to genuinely help someone work through barriers like these is just as much an opportunity for us as it is them.

Empower, don’t belittle

When you resort to personal attacks, there is only one outcome that can be confidently predicted: absolutely nothing will change. This is the fastest way to make sure that nobody benefits from any dialogue. What is your natural reaction to being insulted?  If you’re like most, it’s either to flare up and respond in kind, taking offense to every word, or to clam up, refusing to speak and trying your damnedest to tune out whatever your attacker is saying. Either way, it’s the end of any useful conversation.

People are receptive, interested in what you’re saying, and willing to change when you instill excitement in them about an opportunity.  Would you want to take someone’s advice who said you were too stupid and lazy to?  What if they pointed out that you’re too smart and driven not to? Which scenario would cause you to be more receptive?

What it all boils down to

When you look at what these points boil down to, you could say that these are things we all learned when we were 5.  That’s very true.  For some reason, though, it’s very common for this advice to get misplaced, perhaps by the tasks and worries that escalate as we develop into adults.  For some, these concepts disappear completely by the time adulthood arrives.  It’s never too late to refresh ourselves on this and remember that those who have made the largest contributions to mankind were often also the most humble.  When we focus on taking care of others, others will take care of us.

So, the next time someone mentions that they drive a big SUV or buy new clothes every month, don’t put them down. Don’t tell them how much better your gas mileage is on your bicycle or that you only shop at the thrift store.  That doesn’t help them at all.  Instead, ask them questions.  Find out what makes them tick. Then, explain why you do what you do and present opportunities based on what you’ve learned about them. You have to build relationships before you can effect change.

We all remember the popular children’s fable, The Tortoise and the Hare – a story that teaches us the virtue of setting and maintaining a pace to achieve our goals.  In it, a turtle becomes tired of listening to a nearby rabbit brag about how quick he is and challenges him to a race.  The rabbit sprints away at the start, taunting the turtle for being so slow.  Soon, though, the rabbit becomes tired.  Looking back to see that the turtle is so far behind him, he decides to rest under a tree, falling asleep.  He is later awakened by the cheers of the other woodland creatures as the turtle crosses the finish line, realizing that he’d slept too long and allowed the turtle to pass him.

It’s a simple and classic tale, the moral being, “slow and steady wins the race.” Such basic and wise words, but many times we find ourselves living as the hare rather than the tortoise.  We define goals for ourselves, become excited, pursue them with fervor, and, all too often, quickly become tired and unmotivated, abandoning what we’d started and moving onto the next flash in the pan.  On the other hand, it’s just as easy to become disenchanted with our goals when we slow down.  We’re excited and we want to see results.  When they don’t materialize as soon as we had hoped, it’s easy to think that we just won’t ever get there, and give up trying.

Slow & steady wins the race

Here at Frugally Green, I (and many of you) are on a quest for self-improvement on two fronts, and frugality and sustainability are two really broad targets!  I’ve written before about balancing multiple goals and how important it is to find opportunities to achieve them simultaneously, but how do we stay on track? How do we balance the pursuit of our dreams between speeding away and burning out like the hare and plodding along like the tortoise, afraid we won’t ever get there?  I think we all know deep down the tortoise is, undoubtedly the winner of the race, but the hare has its place, too.  The fundamental task in achieving our goals is breaking them down into many smaller goals and assigning “tortoise” or “hare” characteristics to them.

The role of the Tortoise

In becoming frugal and green, the tortoise represents our overall, long-term goals and the planning that is required to achieve them. We’re all different, so this could be anything from starting an international business or foundation committed to sustainability and becoming a financially independent philanthropist to simply reducing your energy consumption and recycling more than you throw away.  Whatever your ultimate goal is, the tortoise represents the careful and deliberate planning that must take place to realize these achievements.  These are not goals that can be completed tomorrow. You must set a pace for yourself to reach these landmarks by breaking them down into smaller, more easily attainable goals.  It is through this slow and calculated process that you will build the framework that will guide your decisions towards the end goal.

So now you have an outline of how you are going to attain your highest goals.  You may still feel like you haven’t actually done anything yet, but you have! You’ve given yourself a reference guide that will tell you when you’re on the right track and when you aren’t.  It might be pages long or it might just be a few items, but now that you’ve really thought about it, you’ve got a strong focal point. Einstein once cleverly stated, “If I had only 1 hour to save the world, I would spend the first 55 minutes defining the problem.”

The role of the Hare

We know, certainly, that we can’t sustain ourselves trying to sprint our way to a finish line that could be years away, so where does the hare and his hyperactive tendencies come into play for us?  Well, since we took our time when we started off and carefully pieced together an outline that breaks down our goals into bite size pieces, we can now pursue each of them, one by one, with lightning quickness.

Now, don’t get carried away like our rabbit friend did in the story.  What I mean to say is, from our example above, maybe a few of the first steps that you lay out for yourself are to remember to turn off your computer every night, change all your light bulbs to CFLs, and only run your dishwasher when it’s full.  Pick one of these basic tasks, like turning your computer off every night, and throw yourself at it! Spend every day focusing on it until the action is ingrained into your habits.  Don’t worry about the other goals until this happens, then move on to the next.  It won’t take a lot of effort because it’s simple and you know how it will contribute to your long-term success.  Continue on this path until you’ve satisfied all your base goals.  Then, give yourself a pat on the back and move onto the next rung of the ladder. You’ll probably find that your ability to adapt becomes quicker and quicker as you travel down the course you’ve set for yourself.

Putting it all together

The Tortoise and the Hare is a timeless classic that reinforces a lesson that we learn at a young age, but is often forgotten by adults as the demands of life in a modern world bear down upon them.  The tortoise teaches us that a slow, methodical pace is what will efficiently take us long distances.  The hare teaches us that quickness is useful for short durations.

Whether we vocalize them or not, we all have goals.  We all have dreams.  Attaining them depends upon the system of support we create that will ensure success.  State your dreams without fear and pursue them the same. Be it big or small, make it a point to take one step forward every day.